#405 | Ben Ogilvie | Changes to Love

2023 Article II Amendment Idea Submissions Amendment Ideas
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Submission 405
Ben Ogilvie
Starr King Unitarian Universalist Church (Hayward, CA) 2214

What is your suggestion or idea?

Replace

Love is the power that holds us together and is at the center of our shared values. We are accountable to one another for doing the work of living our shared values through the spiritual discipline of Love.

with

Love is the beating heart of our communities. It shows up in the ways we care for and about each other, in sorrow and in joy. It shows up in all our shared values as we work together to make them real in the world. It shows up in the ways we hold ourselves and each other accountable as we move toward our highest aspirations. The love of our communities gives us a deep sense of belonging, of being recognized and valued and cared about. It gives us comfort and strength and joy.
Alternate ending:The love that holds us all is generous, kind, and forgiving. At the same time, it calls us to live our values in heart and mind, in word and deed.

What is the reason for your amendment idea?

I’m concerned about the description of love. It talks about love, but to me it doesn’t convey love. It speaks to my head, not my heart. Love is a circle in a diagram, and it’s darn hard work. Discipline.
It reminds me of something I read long ago about Christian churches that teach salvation by character vs ones that teach salvation by grace, and how the former tend to be very small! Positioning love as work feels like a similar approach.
What does our UU heritage tell us about love? Does it only come to us if we work hard at it? Or is it a gift available to all? What does the idea of universal salvation mean to us? Is it only about the afterlife? Or does it have meaning in this life? My view is that the love of the community comes to anyone who comes through the door (physically or virtually). We get it just by showing up. We are held in love. At the same time, it isn’t just about receiving. We need to give back – in tangible ways. This is “doing the work of living our shared values.” I do understand the importance of that. Love is as love does. It’s not enough to have a warm feeling. We have to make the love real through what we do. I’m just concerned that putting the work first will not attract people to the good news of Unitarian Universalism — quite the opposite. I was hoping for something that makes our hearts sing! Instead it sounds like we have to put on heavy packs and start slogging.
My words aren’t quite at the heart-singing stage. Perhaps you can improve on them!

Have you discussed this idea with your congregation or other UUs?

Since time is running out I haven’t had a chance to run it by many people. Here are some comments I received:

My minister, Rev Ruth Rinehart, said ““Ohmygoodness, Ben, this is so beautiful. I am so glad you are submitting this. I really agree with your words.””

Rev Greg Ward said ““Wow, thanks Ben. This is wonderfully thought through. If you haven’t turned this into a sermon, you should.””

Louise Wilkinson of the Bellevue, WA, church said ““This is really wonderful and important. I’m so glad you are submitting it. The Article II description does feel a bit abstract, cold and demanding.””

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I really like this amendment idea and agree that in the current wording, love (and in fact the revisions as a whole), place too much emphasis on hard work and sacrifice.

Yes, being truly loving does involve hard work and sacrifice at times, but that is not all it is or should be.

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While “Love is the beating heart of our communities” is a more emphatic and flowery turn of phrase than I might choose, I agree with it and the rest of Ben’s statements. Love should not have to be earned, it should be given as grace and there is work to be done to manifest Love in the world. Let’s speak to people’s hearts about our faith!

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I’m so grateful for this submission and suggestion. Sometimes, this world can be so busy, so overwhelming, that we can forget – forget that Love IS the beating heart of our faith." I really appreciate the love and heart and thinking that went into this suggestion. I do hope it is possible to bring it into the new Article II. Thank you

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I love how this is a definition of what we mean when we say “love”. :smile: This keeps the sense of accountability and work but also reflects the rewards of being in a loving community.

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@ruthrinehart, I was thinking of our communities as I wrote this (esp our church :slightly_smiling_face:) but “Love is the beating heart of our faith” is good too. It makes it global instead of local. “The love of our communities” could stay where it is, farther down.

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Thank you, this is gorgeous and I have found the use of “Love” in the proposal vague. Your proposal gives me direction.

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@Janet @skoseksills @MandyN Please send this link to other people and encourage them to read it and respond!

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@bethogilvie

This is beautiful!

I still wonder about the word “acccountable.”

Would you consider changing it to “we challenge and support each other”? as suggested by Rick Holmgren in #298?

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@bethogilvie

Oh, and also, I prefer the “alternate ending”

I wonder if we might change it slightly to “While the love that holds us all is generous, kind, and forgiving, it also firmly calls us to live our values in heart and mind, word and deed”?

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Thank you, Kara! I would like to keep “accountable” because I feel we need to get over our problems with this word and embrace it – just like with covenant. Accountability is about wanting to make our values real in the world, caring when we miss the mark, and lovingly helping each other notice so we can do better. I don’t know another word that captures this so well.

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I wonder if there is a way to compromise?

I have a sense that there is large group of people who like the word “accountable”!

But I think we need to put more words with it in order to help the rest of us understand your meaning.

I think you describe it beautifully:

Is there any way to include the word accountability but also describe it further?

So your sentence is:

How about this:

“It shows up in the ways we hold ourselves and each other accountable, challenging and supporting each other as we move toward our highest aspirations.”

I just really feel that accountability without support sounds too judgmental and punitive.

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Kara, another consideration is some feedback I’ve received that this change would have a better chance of success if it were shorter. Considerably shorter! Ideally, the same length as the text it’s replacing or perhaps just a little bit longer.

I’ve been promoting the idea of “loving accountability”, which perhaps would address your concern, and in a sense that’s expressed here in this language: “It [love] shows up in the ways we hold ourselves and each other accountable.” In other words, if our practice of accountability isn’t loving, it’s not in alignment with this sentence.

Does that help?

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Using your wording to re-write this, and keeping the same length, how about:

Love is the beating heart of our communities. It shows up in the ways we make our values real in the world, caring when we miss the mark, and lovingly helping each other notice so we can do better.

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Ben, I really like your amendment idea, but I respectfully suggest that it doesn’t really define Love. Rather, it says that Love is a “power” and a " spiritual discipline." But there are may powers and many spiritual disciplines. Would you consider the following, which is short and does give Love a specific definition?

Love is unconditional compassion and respect for all in the human family, including ourselves. I’ve discussed this definition with several members of my UU congregation, and they like it. Following this definition, it would make sense, I think, to add your sentence, “It [love] shows up in the ways we hold ourselves and each other accountable.” You might add a phrase about what we are accountable for, e.g., “…hold ourselves and each other accountable for demonstrating love as we live our values.”

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Thank you, Teresa! I think I would drop “in the human family,” since love is not limited to humans. I’ve noted your suggestion. I’m gathering suggestions in a google doc (Input on Article II - Google Docs) and you or anyone else reading this is welcome to drop in and add comments. As trends appear in the comments I will incorporate them into an active working text. The doc name sounds generic, but it’s specifically about the Love clause. Thx again.

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Thanks, Teresa. I really like the idea that we “hold ourselves and each other accountable for demonstrating love as we live our values.” I have heard many concerns about using the term “accountable” without specifying for what and to whom.

Ben, I know that others share your concern about limiting love to the human family. What about “Love is unconditional compassion and respect for life in all its forms?” Others may have better language for addressing this issue. Please share!

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Thank you, Ben, for responding so positively to my suggestion and suggesting further that we not limit love to humans. Thanks, too, for inviting me to put my suggestions in the Google doc. I’ve done that with what you’ll read here.

This is my revised suggested definition of love, incorporating various ideas and striving to keep it short:

Love is unconditional compassion and respect for all beings, including ourselves. We hold ourselves and each other accountable for living our values with love.

I would also like to suggest that “Love,” defined as above, become the first of the Values in the revised Article II. If it is the center, the core of all the proposed Values, shouldn’t it be a Value itself?

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I would also like to suggest that “Love,” defined as above, become the first of the Values in the revised Article II. If it is the center, the core of all the proposed Values, shouldn’t it be a Value itself?

That’s an interesting idea! I’m inclined to agree with you. At the same time, I’m afraid of getting sidetracked in the discussion (if we’re lucky enough to have some discussion) on whether or not it should be in the Values list or not. I want to get some language about love that is heart-centered instead of head-centered, and to me it’s less important where that language goes. Can you live with it where it is?

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I think part of accurately defining love is also accurately representing its role in our philosophy. Love is an ongoing process: the actions we take to realize our values – the ones demanded by this covenant – are manifestations of love.

So it makes sense that love is a part of each value, but putting it in the center seems to imply that although the values may be equal, love is the most equal. It reminds me of classic Unitarianism that has a single Godhead (which Christians will often call capital-L Love) from which all other moral values flow.